Swimming
I ran into a quote today that jarred my sense of comfort. It struck a little too close to home for me. I recently shed some baggage by way of a bad relationship, and no this won’t be a man bashing moment, albeit that does feel good once in a while. I was young and dumb, a lethal combination when you run into someone older and much more experienced at the manipulation game. You know, you find prince charming and he turns into the prince of darkness in moments. What is terrible is not that he used me for months, racking up debt in my name, encouraging me to depend on him for everything, and my friendships are mangled messes barely recognizable, what is terrible is that I lied to myself the entire time.
I’ve dated my share of “winners” in the past, and wanted so badly for a relationship to work out (no wonder they’ve all run screaming). He said the right things and I let myself believe and then bam. The damn broke. It was all I could do to keep from drowning, to keep treading water and my head up and yet for so long after I was still in denial. I’d lost my faith in everything-love, humanity, and worst of all myself. I wasn’t sure how I was going to keep from going under.
But I did. I came out on top, stronger than before, much more sure of myself, and best of all my faith is back. Maybe not in all areas, I’m still skeptical on the whole finding prince charming, however several of my friends have found theirs….maybe there is hope for me yet, however I’m not holding my breath.
I joked with a friend just the other day; I’m going to compile stories into a book, “A Snapshot into the Dating Life of a 21st Century Girl.” The stories I alone could tell you would have tears running down your face in moments, both the funny ha-ha tears and the tears of stories that hit too close to home. And we all have those stories; life would be bland without them. It would be ideal if they didn’t always come with a painful price tag…
But alas here I go again, into the abyss known as the dating scene. I’m going in with a better attitude than any excursion before. As painful as it is for me to type this cliché it’s true, you can’t really be in a relationship with another person until you truly love and understand yourself. And it goes for any relationship, romantic or otherwise (I know I can recite everyone of these clichés in my sleep…but this one really does ring true).
I’ve promised myself a few things this trip around.
Not to jump in so completely so quickly.
To remember my self-worth and to not change my values for someone else.
While I’m not a huge stickler for grammar, spelling, etc… “Hey purty lady” is not acceptable.
Neither is hitting on me while you are with another person--married, dating, seeing.
But most of all, I’ve promised to not lose myself.
I came out of this round able to not only keep my head above water, but to start swimming. Self realization will do that to you….so will being honest.
“Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?”
I’ve dated my share of “winners” in the past, and wanted so badly for a relationship to work out (no wonder they’ve all run screaming). He said the right things and I let myself believe and then bam. The damn broke. It was all I could do to keep from drowning, to keep treading water and my head up and yet for so long after I was still in denial. I’d lost my faith in everything-love, humanity, and worst of all myself. I wasn’t sure how I was going to keep from going under.
But I did. I came out on top, stronger than before, much more sure of myself, and best of all my faith is back. Maybe not in all areas, I’m still skeptical on the whole finding prince charming, however several of my friends have found theirs….maybe there is hope for me yet, however I’m not holding my breath.
I joked with a friend just the other day; I’m going to compile stories into a book, “A Snapshot into the Dating Life of a 21st Century Girl.” The stories I alone could tell you would have tears running down your face in moments, both the funny ha-ha tears and the tears of stories that hit too close to home. And we all have those stories; life would be bland without them. It would be ideal if they didn’t always come with a painful price tag…
But alas here I go again, into the abyss known as the dating scene. I’m going in with a better attitude than any excursion before. As painful as it is for me to type this cliché it’s true, you can’t really be in a relationship with another person until you truly love and understand yourself. And it goes for any relationship, romantic or otherwise (I know I can recite everyone of these clichés in my sleep…but this one really does ring true).
I’ve promised myself a few things this trip around.
Not to jump in so completely so quickly.
To remember my self-worth and to not change my values for someone else.
While I’m not a huge stickler for grammar, spelling, etc… “Hey purty lady” is not acceptable.
Neither is hitting on me while you are with another person--married, dating, seeing.
But most of all, I’ve promised to not lose myself.
I came out of this round able to not only keep my head above water, but to start swimming. Self realization will do that to you….so will being honest.
“Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?”
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