They say you have one life to live, and you should love it to it's fullest.  But why is that so damn hard?  I've had the unsettling feeling for awhile now that something is missing.  I can't put my finger on it, I'm not sure what part of my life is missing something, but that ache just keeps growing.  Is it my job? Friends? Family?  I don't know. And the scary part is, I'm not sure how to find out.

I've been delving into a pool of self-discovery this summer.  The path has been a pretty scary one, it's not easy to look at yourself and your flaws.  I mean to really look at yourself. I'm honestly saddened by what I see.  I see someone who gives everything for everyone else, and doesn't know how to take care of herself.  So much time and energy is given to making everyone else happy, or trying to impress them that I don't know how to make myself happy anymore. And that scares me. Big time.  If I can't make myself happy, then I know I'm not living my life to the fullest! And how do I expect to be happy with anyone else?

Some how I need to figure out what's causing the hole in my being and work on patching that up.  Yikes, that's another hike into unbidden territory that doesn't seem fun.  I guess no one every said journeys like this were easy.

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